pension333: Pass notes No 3,238: Alastair Cook

The new England cricket captain has a tough job ahead of him. Can the man they imaginatively call 'Cooky' lead his team to victory?

Age: 27.66.

That's very exact. He's a cricketer, and averages are everything.

Appearance: Brooding male model who didn't quite make it.

Nickname: Cooky (cricketers are not noted for their imagination when it comes to sobriquets).

New job: England cricket captain, succeeding Andrew Strauss who resigned on Wednesday.

Life expectancy: Limited.

What's the problem? Sky-high expectations, an England team in decline, and the nightmare that is Kevin Pietersen.

Is Cook up to it? A left-handed opening batsman, he has a healthy Test average of 47.84, but his recent form has been poor. Averaged just 32.50 in the losing series against South Africa that did for Strauss.

You seem to be obsessed by decimal points. Tell us about the man. His CV, rather like his batting, is unexciting. Grew up in the Essex village of Wickham Bishops; was a chorister at St Paul's cathedral school; plays the clarinet; won a music scholarship to Bedford school; made his county debut for Essex at 18. Married childhood sweetheart Alice Hunt last year. Wedding was attended by their pet dog, and they left the church in a tractor.

A tractor? Alice's father is a sheep farmer, and the couple live near his farm in Bedfordshire. "I'm a country boy at heart," says Cook. "I love it when you've got your boots on and you're standing in three inches of cow shit."

Not bad preparation for his new job. True.

Cruel tweet from England team-mate Graeme Swann: "Cooky's wedding list seems full of house and kitchenware rather than things he actually needs. Like a joke book."

You're suggesting Cooky's a little dull? Makes Straussy look like Prince Harry.

There must be something interesting about him. He never sweats, not even when batting in 40-degree heat in Colombo. He may in fact be an android.

Not to be confused with: The very sweaty Alastair Campbell.

Do say: "If he hits his straps and concentrates on the positives, England will at least be at the races under Cooky."

Don't say: "Have you had a congratulatory text from KP yet?"

Source: http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/shortcuts/2012/aug/29/alastair-cook-england-cricket-captain

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